Woman is always more than 40 minutes late to every event and friend doubts if she should confront her about her chronic tardiness or not: 'It's getting worse but at the same time I don't think she does it on purpose and I don't want to hurt her feelings'

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 6, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

On being chronically late

This character flaw is rather hard to live with if a friend has it. You do your best; you tell them reunions start an hour before they actually start, so if they arrive one hour late, they are actually early. You tell yourself they are not doing it on purpose; you accept that everyone has different time management skills and different time perception, but still, when it's the twentieth time you need them for something and they show up 40 minutes late, it's very hard to sustain the friendship.

This Redditor wonders what she should do about her chronically late friend. If there's anything she can do to save the friendship, or if this trait can outweigh everything else good there is to it.

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  • woman taking her hands to her face
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The woman waiting an hour for her friend to arrive

    Subject is a model

  • Friend is chronically late

    So my friends is always really late, not like 10-15 minutes but more like 40 minites to over an hour. It really bothers me (because I'm the one who has to travel for over an hour to hang out bc I live in
    via Stelle3543
  • suburbs) everytime we hang out but I know she struggles with being on time in general and probably doesn't mean to be disrespectful or anything so I never confronted her about it.
    via Stelle3543
  • For example once she invited me over, I was 5 minutes late and very sorry about it and she made me wait in front of her house for an hour long bc she was even more late.
    via Stelle3543
  • I don't believe she does it on purpose bc she is showing signs of adhd and she would likw to get diagnosed in the future. I don't want to hold her accountable for something she has no control over.
    via Stelle3543

  • One of my closest friends has this issue, and it has caused enormous strain in our relationship. Little by little, I understood I couldn’t trust her with important things because she was very likely to let me down. I always knew she didn’t do it on purpose; she had this problem in school and with other friends too, but when I needed her for something important and she was an hour late, it hurt nonetheless. The last straw was when she was so late the day I defended my thesis that they didn’t let her in. I was devastated; I had specifically told her this was a very meaningful day for me. I remember my heart broke so much that day that something changed inside me; we didn’t stop being friends; I just had to relearn and change the place I assigned to her in my life. I would never call her for important favours again. I started only asking her for the things she could give. I remembered she was always a very good listener, so I started to count on her for that and started slowly disinviting her from anything that required a specific schedule. It was a tough process, but we’re in a good spot now.

  • Last week I invited her over and she told me she would arrive somewhere around noon. I live with parents so I told them in advance so they could make plans that she would come at 1 pm bc I knew
    via Stelle3543
  • she would be late. She texted me around noon that she would come around 2 pm and I was like not again so I told my parents she would come later. Then she texted me that she will come around
    via Stelle3543
  • 3 pm (mind you, I told her I have other plans in the evening) and now I run out of arguments in front of my parents who see this as disrespectful. What should I do? I want to confront her about it bc everytime we
    via Stelle3543
  • woman in black shirt driving
    via Mira Kireeva

    The late friend driving really fast, only to arrive three hours after the event started

    Woman photographed is a model

     

  • hang out it's getting worse but at the same time I don't think she does it on purpose and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
    via Stelle3543
  • two women sitting across each other
    via #WOCinTech stock OSS Creative Commons photo collection

    The women having a deep conversation about time management issues

    Picture is representative

  • I know people tend to be very hard on these things and cut friendships off if they have major flaws like this; sometimes, it’s what you have to do, but I would suggest that’s not the ONLY option. People (and us) have major flaws, and if we appreciate them enough, we can always find a way to love them for what they are and not resent them for what they’re not.

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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